My new goal in life

Anyone who knows me will agree: I must go here.

I mean, really, I thought Yellowstone and Niagra falls were amazing, this place is like heaven.

And, while I'm at it, I've decided to go here as well.

At first I decided this would be my 30th birthday celebration. But then I realized that's only 2 1/2 years away, I can't possibly save the thousands of dollars this trip will require by then. So maybe it will be to celebrate my brother's 30th birthday.

Unless anybody has an extra $5,000 they want to send my way?

West is North

So I've always been directionally challenged. If I have to turn more than 3 times to get to a new place, forget getting myself out, and the next time I won't remember how to get there either. And don't tell me to turn south. Ever. I have no idea what that means.

Now, when I lived in Provo I learned that as far as directions go, I'm mostly ok if I have 2 points of reference. Mt. Timp is north, Y mount is east, therefore the other 2 are easy to figure out. And they are huge, so you can't miss them from anywhere in the town. Denver, not so much. People here like to cheerfully say the mountains are in the west- well that's great, but I can't see the mountains from here, and even if I could, that doesn't tell me which way north and south are. You see my difficulty?

The other day I was at the library and in the parking lot a lady stopped me and asked where the closest grocery store was. I said well, there are a few, which way are you going? And I told her about the one that was just a few blocks away. She said well, I'm headed north, is that north? I said that I honestly had no idea. I pointed in the direction my subconscious thinks as north and said it's that way, thinking it's totally got to be on her way. There was another lady there who said no, you want to go to this other one, it's north. Turns out I was pointing west.

Let me explain. Shortly after moving back to Denver after college (that's right folks, I said after college, and after having lived here my whole life before college), I figured out north and south I-25. North I-25 will take me to Northglenn, Westminster, Broomfield, Lakewood (people try to tell me Lakewood is actually west, whatever, I have to get on I-25 North first to get there, therefore Lakewood is north), Arvada, etc. South I-25 will take me to the tech center.

Here's the problem. I often get on northbound I-25 from Colorado Blvd. It is a right turn. Nevermind that there is a beautiful view straight ahead of the mountains, and nevermind that I-25 curves all over the place, I'm getting on northbound I-25, therefore that way must be north.

I didn't really realize that direction had been ingrained in my head as north until one day my mom and I were going somewhere north and we were arguing about where we should meet, whose house was closer. Although my house is closer to the highway exit I would take, she insisted that her house was closer and it would be silly to meet at my house. But I live in Denver! You live in Aurora! Aurora is south of Denver! She just laughed. As I was driving to her house contemplating why her house was closer, driving in what I thought of as the opposite direction of our final destination, I suddenly saw the mountains and realized that the direction I thought of as north was not north. It's west.

But that's the way I turn to get on North I-25! Shouldn't I be able to trust the highway to tell me which direction I'm going? Well no, turns out you can't. But it's too late. The damage has been done. This incident happened like a year ago, and here I am at the library just yesterday, totally pointing west and telling the lady that the grocery store that way is north. When I think of going to visit my aunt & uncle in Broomfield, that's the way I think of. When I think of going to visit my cousins in Cheyenne, that's the way I think of. Ironically, when I think of my friend whose house is in Lakewood, that's also the way I think of.

Don't even get me started on I-70. I really, honestly have no idea where I am when I'm on I-70.

The Allegory of the Light Saber

Testimony meetings can be interesting. We've had the gospel compared to baseball, football, flies (at which the phrase "fly crap" was actually uttered...shudder) and a host of other bizzare and completely unrelated things. Today we were dreading another such occurence, and so I wrote the allegory of the light saber in anticipation.

Just like your testimony, everyone acquires a light saber in a different way, and they all

look a little different. But the green ones are just as good as the blue ones. Both can be lost

(along with a hand) but through hard work and help from others can be reconstructed.

Some people forget the value of their light saber, and then it turns red, just as one can turn

away from their testimony and it's used against them. A light saber only lights up when you

turn it on and use it. A testimony only works when you use it, and will provide light when

used propertly.

But a testimony should not be used as a weapon.

Fortunately the meeting went off without a hitch, and I refrained from sharing my inspired allegory with the ward.